I haven’t yet met a person who can shatter glass with their voice, but I’m hoping I will at the next convention. I visit Warble-Con every single year, the number one spot for alternative sounds and voices in music. Number one! It’s where I sell most of my CDs, because it’s one place where people really seem to appreciate my symphonic poetry.
Anyway, I’d love to collaborate on a piece that celebrates glaziers and the art of glass repair, which is mainly because I just had a bit of an incident in my own abode. One of those lightning strikes sent a branch through the window, the landlord send round a glazier, and while I was watching the glass get repaired, I had an idea for a song: ‘Glass Repair Spins Me Right Round Baby, Right Round, Like a Record Player, Right Round, Round, Round’.
On closer inspection, I think that phrase might have been copyrighted, so I’ve had to change the title to something more like ‘Glass Repair Gives Me Real Shivers Honey, Real Shivers, Like a Gramophone Player, Real Shivers, Shivers, Shivers’.
That’s fine. And what I really feel like I need for this collaboration is someone with the skill and vocal power to shatter glass. They’ll come in at the very start of the song, their immense vocal chords annihilating a strategically-placed pane of glass in the recording studio. The shattered pieces will fall to the floor, there’s going to be a little bit of spoken drama, and then my symphonic poem praising the actions of Melbourne’s best residential glaziers will kick in…triumphantly. It’ll be a triumphant song.
Some may say the subject matter is a little too specific, but this stuff goes over great at Warble-Con. It’s the one place I truly feel like my tastes belong.