I like my coffee spider free. Obviously.

I can’t explain what it’s like to see a redback spider for the first time in your life, especially when you’re met with the horror, first thing in the morning, on the inside of your coffee cup moments before filling it with the life-saving brew. It was a waking nightmare to have to find pest control in Dandenong this morning.  

We moved  here from NZ about six months ago. This meet and greet with one of Australia’s deadliest came at a very sensitive time in the day. There’s never been a great time to meet a spider, but I can guarantee that first thing in the morning is probably the worst. Thank god for Dandenong pest control.

I blinked into the cup. That trademark red slash marking it’s bulging black abdomen, the spiky legs all drawn up preparing it to spring into defense, all eight eyes glinting with menace (I’m swear that’s what I saw). Instinctively I dropped the cup, which broke clean in half on the slate floor. A further state of panic followed, as the beast travelled at an alarming pace towards the crack between our dishwasher and the kitchen sink. I froze, the horrifying realisation that this thing seemed to know it’s way around. And just like that, before the sun had even come up, it disappeared into the furthest reaches of our kitchen. I could have puked if there’d been anything in my stomach.

I rang my aunt. She didn’t answer, so I left a message, raging on about how terrible a place Australia was and that I couldn’t bear to live in the mountains anymore if I had to share my coffee with 8 legged killers. Then I found a pest control center online, and by this time, was a complete wreck, crying down the phone line to the person who dealt with people like me with ‘significant arachnophobia’ very often. So, apparently, help is on the way, in the form of pest removal. Has there ever been a greater hero?