I have a conspiracy theory concerning my cat. Basically, I suspect that Milo loves winter because it gives him such a wide range of opportunities to interfere with my belongings. Warm weather finds him a bit less inclined to cosy up to my laptop and make a nest out of any piece of fabric not firmly nailed down, but in winter he starts getting a bit aggressive about it all. 

If he’s not kneading my cashmere jumpers to smithereens, he’s burying himself in my sock drawer or territoriality guarding the best seat on the couch, all the while leaving a fine dusting of hair in his wake. For some reason, it’s always black hair on the white stuff and white hair on the black stuff. I don’t know how he manages to achieve that effect, but it’s all part of his master plan, I’m sure.

Anyway, I thought he might just be cold, so I bought him this fancy ‘cat cave’ shaped like a cupcake (a novelty design feature more geared towards myself than Milo). It wasn’t cheap, but it looks so comfortable I’d curl up in it myself if I could fit. Of course, Milo has completely ignored it, and doubled down in claiming ownership of my personal effects. In fact, he’s taken to setting up shop on one of the heating vents. 

I should have known this might happen when I got ducted gas heating. Installation and servicing, Melbourne locals will be aware, don’t grow on trees, nor does gas. So I don’t really appreciate Milo sitting on the vent. Not only is he blocking the entry of warm air into the room, he’s also getting hair in the system and potentially creating a hazard by blocking the airflow. I should have looked at wall-mounted split system heating units. Melbourne cat slaves, can you relate? 

How can I get Milo to just use the danged cat cave? Should I invest in some more made-for-cats infrastructure, so that he has options? Or should I just accept that he’s the alpha of the household?